Parents Urged to Talk to Children About Sexual Abuse

Parents are being encouraged to talk to their children about sexual abuse from an early age, including physical boundaries and the privacy of body parts, to empower them to recognise and report abuse.

In an interview with JIS News, Regional Clinical Psychologist at the Western Regional Health Authority (WRHA), Dr. Alcon Barnett, says that having open conversations with children can help them learn to identify unsafe situations and encourage them to seek support from trusted adults.

He says that these conversations about safety should begin early, in age-appropriate ways, and should form part of everyday parenting rather than a one-off discussion and continue as the child grows older.

Dr. Barnett notes that children benefit far more from ongoing, honest conversations that begin early and develop over time.

“You have to be honest… and the amount of detail that you think the child can handle depends on how much you think your child can comprehend,” he points out.

Dr. Barnett says the conversation may begin with teaching children the body parts and helping them to understand their bodies and bodily boundaries, including “good touch, bad touch, or secret touch”.

He notes that using clear, accurate language to name the body parts helps to remove stigma and encourage openness.

“It can be very uncomfortable for some parents to talk about it because their parents were uncomfortable talking about it too. So, there is a sense of shame and unease when they approach sexuality,” Dr. Barnett says.

“But, it has to be shame-free…; we share honest and shame-free, accurate information. Use the appropriate words,” he emphasises.

Dr. Barnett notes that children should clearly understand that certain parts of their bodies are private and that there are strict limits about who may touch them and under what circumstances.

“No one should touch their private parts, you know, except parents or the doctors,” he says, noting that requests from others to touch private areas should be treated as a warning sign.

Dr. Barnett points out that perpetrators often manipulate children through secrecy and intimidation, making it critical for parents to teach children that they should never keep such matters hidden.

“So, tell the child… if the perpetrator comes and says, ‘this is our little secret’… the child should immediately understand that when that happens, go to the parent,” he advises.

Equally important, he says, is building a trusting relationship so children feel safe discussing sensitive issues and reporting uncomfortable situations.

“One of the keys is for parents to allow the child to feel safe in coming to them,” Dr. Barnett said, noting that fear of punishment or blame often prevents children from speaking out.

He points to research showing the scale of the issue and the need for vigilance.

“One Centers for Disease Control (CDC) study estimates that at least one in six boys and one in four girls are sexually abused… and yet only 10 per cent of the perpetrators are strangers,” he noted, adding that many offenders are known to the child.

Dr. Barnett further urges parents to pay close attention to online safety, warning that sexual abuse risks now extend beyond physical environments.

“In this age now of internet… parents should make sure that their children are safe and use the internet safely… and to let children know that they should never take pictures of themselves and send them over the internet,” he says.

He also recommends practical safety measures, including establishing code words children can use to signal discomfort or danger when away from home.

Ultimately, Dr. Barnett stresses that while parents cannot eliminate every risk, preparation and open communication significantly reduce vulnerability.

“You can’t really totally isolate your child from society to prevent risk, but you can at least arm them with the knowledge of how to stay safe,” he says.

He urges parents to stay informed about what children are learning from peers and online sources.

“It’s important to ask the child what is it that they are hearing in school… because there are other children who are very exposed,” he points out.

Dr. Barnett says that conversations about sexuality should expand over time to include topics such as relationships, peer pressure, sexually transmitted infections, and family planning, depending on the child’s level of development.

“It all depends, but the key thing is… having it as part of communication and it’s ongoing,” he says.

Dr. Barnett encourages parents who feel unsure about how to approach the subject to seek guidance from a mental health provider, a guidance counsellor, or general practitioner on how to engage their children.

He points out that avoiding the subject entirely can leave children unprepared for real-life situations.

“Because of the misinformation out there and children are being exposed to some of the wrong content… it’s very important for parents to take this very seriously,” he says.