Psychologist Urges Parents to Support PEP Students Who Did Not Pass for School of Choice

When results of the Primary Exit Profile (PEP) examinations were released on June 20, there were a range of emotions, including screams of joy from some students and quiet sobs from others.

Some students jumped with excitement, while others sat in stunned silence, grappling with the painful reality that they did not pass for their first-choice high school.

Regional Clinical Psychologist at the Western Regional Health Authority (WRHA), Dr. Alcon Barnett, is urging parents to show compassion and support for children who did not pass for their preferred high schools.

“There has been a history for the past few years of a lot of parents being disgruntled [and] children who have been extremely affected psychologically. Some have been affected by depression and anxiety, and [struggled with] their self-worth,” he said in an interview with JIS News.

Dr. Barnett noted that parents must begin by “changing their mindset” and shift the focus from disappointment to building resilience.

“They need to focus really on what the advantages of the child passing are, and what are some of the things that they can do to strengthen the child’s resolve wherever they are,” he said.

He added that parents should “de-stigmatise the school itself”, validate their child’s emotions, and “show compassion, try to listen to the child [and] comprehend how the child is experiencing the disappointment”.

Parents are also encouraged to avoid blaming the child or comparing them with other students.

“That is a major issue. Parents sit down and they discuss things. Whatever school the child is selected for or placed [in], the parent should become an active member in that school… constantly [communicate] with the teachers, [be] a discipline, and support [and] self-monitor the child,” Dr. Barnett emphasised.

He warned that lashing out at a child for not getting into a ‘top’ school can have long-lasting effects.

“That can be extremely damaging psychologically… when the parent even consciously or subconsciously isolates from the child… that is a form of abandonment in a sense, a form of emotional neglect,” he added.

Dr. Barnett said this kind of treatment can cause children to develop negative coping behaviours.

“The child might cope negatively by experimenting with smoking, alcohol use… to numb the shame and guilt of disappointing their parents,” he noted.

Stressing that “every school has produced great people”, Dr. Barnett emphasised the importance of parenting over prestige.

“Sometimes it’s not the school that the child goes to but your parenting skills,” he pointed out.

Dr. Barnett suggested that parents should see this moment as “an opportunity to support your child… to allow them to understand the importance and power of study skills. Set schedules. Start being consistent. Reduce digital time [and] have a behaviour-modification system”.

Rather than letting a missed placement define a child’s future, Dr. Barnett encouraged parents to “become an active member in that school, even by being a part of the parent-teacher association (PTA)”.

For parents concerned about persistent academic struggles, Dr. Barnett is reminding parents that all children learn at different paces, some due to learning disabilities.

“You have some children who might be experiencing even mild to moderate learning issues, even learning disabilities that have been undiagnosed,” he said.
He recommended that parents reach out to the school’s guidance counsellor [or] the class teacher, as every school makes accommodation for parents to meet [with them] to explore what is going on with the child.

Dr. Barnett also underscored the importance of early support. He encouraged the Ministry of Education, Skills, Youth and Information to “sensitise parents about the options, about setting boundaries, about helping the child [on] the journey from grade one up, not just from grade four”.

He also urged parents to focus on encouragement and guidance. “It’s an opportunity… encourage the child throughout the school journey, so as to help the child develop a foundation for lifelong learning.”